Thread: Bali marriage...

Hello Mimpimanis:

Kawin lari, if it is the same as kawin lariin in Lombok is one of the three ways for an accepted marriage in the old days.

1) Marriage by consent. All parties agree = boy and girl, both set of parents.

2) Marriage by arrangement. This was the usual mode in the old days. It was preferred to marry within the near or wider family and within the village.

3) Only boy and girl agree but not all or some relatives. This was and is still true especially in the higher cast. There are very specific rules to be met, e.g. if the couple was found before three days had passed since running away = KAWIN LARI and hiding, they faced the possibility of death.

Joerg

Markit, I am no expert in Bali customs, but i would say its traditions, people get caught up in "beleif systems" based on "beleif systems" based on "faulty beleif systems" the entire world is caught up in this.
It takes courage to break out of any custom or mold in any culture. People worry about others talking, family honour, etc, you name it !
I find it interesting how the female daughter once married goes and lives with her husbands parents.
Thats a big reason for divorce in western culture and yet works very well in Bali, go figure ?!
Different levels of understanding. Who is to say what is right or wrong, what works or doesnt.
As long as we are happy, of course the sad part is the entrapment and an unhappy life, all because of customs.

enjoy your day.

Chilli, you put the entire situation for Made in a very clear and accurate manner. Very sad for the girl though. She obviously does not have any sense of what she really wants to do; or she would have stood up to her family and simply said NO NO NO to marrying the guy. From living with my Balinese family I think I understand why the majority of marriages work out....not to say their are never any problems which can crop up when living with a group of people. Having said that I believe having separate Bedrooms, patio's, bathrooms, seems as if one is living not with the other family members rather as neighbors. Of course, if the family doesn't have enough land around their compound this can create suffocation problems. :lol: :lol: I have a sister-in-law who does not like living with her husbands family due to a crazy sister=in=law plus the parents are.....however, she merely awaits the day to build on land they own on a rice field in another city. As she told me once, "had I known of the questionable family members of my husband I would have thought twice before marrying him". My sister-in-law has a college education and came from a family who was better off then the one she was marrying into. Loving someone is essential when you marry, yet when you add family dynamics into the mix and crazy ones at that, that so called burning love can begin to flicker in the wind and eventually get snuffed out if one is not careful. I have been to her compound many times and I could not in a million years live in those conditions. As we all know so well, whether one is Balinese, Asian, Western, or whatever, money is not the necessary ingredient for a successful marriage, yet it sure does help to alliviate alot of stress in everyday life. As she once said, "had I known it would be so difficult marrying into his family, and although I loved him more than life itself, perhaps I would not have made that choice.... Ahhhh life it sure has it's UPS and DOWNS.

I believe so many marriages work in Bali although there can be a great difference in ages is because the Balinese people believe so strongly in reincarnation (as I do) that the age one is in this life is simply a continuation of living from one life to the next. Therefore, if one is a more advanced soul although that person currently might be 40 they might feel as if they are 1000. My analogy might sound confusing to some and totally understandable to others. 8) 8)

Sorrry Mimpi, :oops: I meant Wayan :oops: the entire story is so sad and disconcerting. Hope she gets it all worked out in the future. :lol: :lol:

i came from hindu family, my husband is a devout catholic, we had balinese wedding that didn't require my husband to convert to hindu. it was a pretty simple ceremony without tooth filing, name changing etc. the whole ceremony was basically just informing the gods that we were entering into marriage.
but yea legally we registered overseas (as we don't live in indonesia). still have to figure out on how to inform indonesian authorities on my married status and get my husband recognized as my legal spouse the next time we visit indonesia. is there a special visa for spouses of indonesians or my husband will just get the usual visa-on-arrival? what about the children?