Thread: Prejudice and Interracial Marriage

OK , this is my second post on this forum but I have been a long time watcher.
Thankyou Kadek for your insight into the ways of the Kuta locals and explains a bit of what I have percieved.
I am a 50 year old Bule and am hoping my 30 year old Indo Girlfriend will eventually decide she wants to marry me and I can then be happy in Bali. I must admit the constant stares and innuendo she gets does make her wonder if she is making the right choice, hence my agreement with your post.

As to Markit, I have watched his posts for a long time and even though I am an outsider who lives in W Australia and visits Bali often plus has still to learn the language and culture, I find him to be an opinionated and boorish person with no understanding of the true Bali.
Sorry if this upsets some people but I just needed to add my distate to his dishwasher/native/ desperate theories.

Cheers
Ken

Good idea Thorsten. Maybe Bert can move the appropriate posts out of this string for members only, start with SG’s post, and re-start a new string in a public area.

In the mean time, having read Kadek’s story, I want to share a similar one.

Kadek, you make a great point responding to SG’s observation. Coincidental as it is, I had one very similar experience to yours, except that in my case, I was the uncle.

On that day, Eri and I had driven into Ubud to pick up her older sister Made, and her oldest daughter, Sita who had finished up dancing Legong at the royal palace. Sita was between 12 and 13 at the time, but still having some of her make up on, she looked a little older...as you know well how that make up works.

Anyway, Sita, as always, has a seemingly endless appetite, so I suggested we all have a bite at Café Lotus...located right there on the palace grounds. After eating, Sita was in the mood for desert, and I suggested some ice cream which she thought was a great idea. At that time there was an ice cream chest at the opposite end of the restaurant from my “normal” table which is closest to the façade of the Pura Saraswati. So, I suggested to Made and Eri that I’d take her over to the ice cream chest to let her make her selection.

Close to the ice cream chest, a middle age Western couple were seated at their table. Since Sita’s mom and auntie Eri were not seen with us, and we were there alone at the ice cream chest, that couple made a huge blunder by assuming the worst. I could just overhear her words to her husband or companion,

“look at that...that’s disgusting.”

Turning to look at the couple, it was clear from the expression on their faces what was going on.

Caught totally off guard, I was uncharacteristically speech less until she shook her head while giving me this intense look of disgust. My reply was blunt, to the point, and not very polite, but I was seized with anger. I retorted,

“not that it’s any of your f’ing business, but this is my niece.” Pointing towards our table, I continued, “her mom and auntie, my wife, are seated right over there if you would care to ask them.”

Being overwhelmed by the treasure chest of ice cream, Sita had no idea was going on, so her selection finished we headed back to our table while I caste back my own look of dispersion upon that couple.

Once back at the table, I didn’t mention anything about what had happened at the ice cream chest, as I was relieved that Sita hadn’t noticed her uncle’s display of bad behavior and language.

Just as Sita was finishing up her ice cream, low and behold I spot this couple headed in our direction. The look on their faces was contrite, and I sensed an apology from them was afoot. Sure enough, once at our table, they proceeded to apologize, much to the total amazement and confusion to Eri and Made, with Sita, being entirely engrossed finishing that last but best tiny morsel of ice cream.

As their apology went on, the utter look of bewilderment on Eri and Made’s face was too much for me to bear and I burst out laughing. The combination of the couple making yet another incorrect assumption, in concert with the dazed and confused looks from Eri and Made was simply priceless.

Trying to gain some decorum and control, stretching my hand out while still laughing, I managed to work in, and explain to the humbled couple,

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I haven’t told them anything. They have no idea what you are talking about.”

The couple discreetly departed, and I was simultaneously barraged from Eri and Made,

“what was THAT all about?”

All in all, the whole affair worked out perfectly. Eri and Made had a great laugh once I told them what had happened, Sita got her ice cream, and the offending couple likely leaned a good lesson...mind your own business.

OK This is a very interesting topic and I for one am also maryinging an Indonesian, not Balinese though and there is an age difference a cultural difference and a religious difference. This is open to members only and to anyone who would like to tell there story or ask for help or assistance in anyway.

After reading Roy and Kadek's stories, I thought that I would post something from my lifeinthetropics blog that is along the lines discussed here.

The consequences of sexual tourism for the rest of us

Sometimes when you live in another culture, it’s not always easy to find out the simplest things. I like to think that I have a fairly good relationship with my children. I let them know that I love them and will support them in any way that I can (except for continuing to work next year). I’ve encouraged them to be open with my wife and me about anything that is going on in their life. But, several of my children are teenagers now (one’s an adult living in the States) and one is about to be and knows more than he lets on at times.

How is this related to sexual tourism? Actually fairly simply. There seems to be a trend here in Indonesia lately for sexual tourists to come up with younger and younger partners – and conversely for the Indonesians looking for business to be younger and younger and to be willing to contract out with increasingly older customers. My teenage daughters are quite attractive (please allow some parental pride) and my young son is growing up to be a very handsome boy.

Now, several stories to illustrate my point as this has become a topic around the house and with some of my friends.

The other day my wife, daughters, and some family members were returning from a wedding. They stopped by at a small grocery store that is favored by tourists and local expats because the store stocks a few Western food items, most particularly imported cheese which is not easy to come by here in the north because Balinese don’t generally eat cheese. While they were in the store, a Western man walked in (as my wife said, he was old – something like you, thanks dear) with a very young Indonesian girl (my wife guessed around our eldest daughter’s age – 16). The young lady, wearing a spaghetti strap blouse, had a prominent tattoo on her shoulder – not something that most Indonesian girls would wear. One of the shop girls (they’re quite friendly there) asked the gentleman who his friend was – he replied somewhat hesitantly, my wife. To which, one of the Balinese ladies who was shopping commented to my wife, “His contract wife, young enough to be his daughter.” My children, or so goes the story relayed to me by my wife and brother-in-law, couldn’t stop staring at the girl.

My wife was relating this story to me at breakfast, when I mentioned that the kids wouldn’t go out shopping with me anymore unless Su (my wife) accompanies us, she laughed and said, “They’re afraid of being mistaken for café girls.” And Sam? “He’s afraid that someone will think that you’re a pedophile.”

Hmm…The kids have never mentioned this to me, I said rather perplexedly. “Oh, they don’t want to talk about sex around you. You know, they’re teenage girls, it’s not something they want to discuss with their father. We don’t do that in Indonesia. You should know that.

I guess that I should. I do now anyway.

As this discussion was going on, my mind (lots of things were racing around up there at the time) zapped back to several incidents last year when I was with the girls in Lombok, another island favored by tourists, and we were out in a mall shopping for clothes. I noticed that some people in the shop were staring, but as I live in a relatively remote island most of the year, I’m used to being stared at. I related this story to my wife, and she laughed again – she finds all this somewhat humorous – and said that the girls had been asked several times by shopkeepers who I was and when they said that I was their father, they received several disbelieving looks until they heard us discussing what we were purchasing on my handphone with my wife.

So what are the consequences of the new sexual tourism? My relationship – my public relationship anyway – with my children has become such that I can’t wander around the streets with them anymore because they don’t want to develop a reputation, and they’re embarrassed to explain who I am with me there. The world is getting more complex than I sometimes like to admit – even here on our little island of Bali, some of the ugliness that the Western tourists bring with them intrudes on paradise.

My wife was relating this story to me at breakfast, when I mentioned that the kids wouldn’t go out shopping with me anymore unless Su (my wife) accompanies us, she laughed and said, “They’re afraid of being mistaken for café girls.” And Sam? “He’s afraid that someone will think that you’re a pedophile.”

drbruce, that is unfortunate, actually tragic. tragic that your children have been put in a position to feel like this, because of the unscrupulous actions of the offenders. i'm fortunate enough that my kids are younger (4y.o. boy and an 18month old girl) - but after reading your post i had a sudden chill run through my body, with the thought, "what happens if when my daughter is 16 and i'm 44 she has the same experience?". you seem to have taken it well. i think i'd be full of rage.

surabaya is a little different mind you as the sex trade is in the great depression - there are sex workers but not a lot of foreigners engaging their services, so i don't know if the same perceptions might exist here.i get stared at a lot, but that's probably because i look like tom cruise :wink: no seriously, westerners get stared at a lot here just because there are so few. i've actually not seen an older western man here with a young indonesian woman - i'm sure there are and i'm sure a % of those relationships are less than sincere, but obviously in bali, it is far more common because of the number of tourists.. which of course brings with it the undesirable tourists..

i have a story that's not related to age, but really more related to judging a person's status by their skin colour..

my sister-in-law is as aussie as they come - more aussie than me as she grew up in tom price, a small mining community in remote western australia, but she is very well educated and did all her tertiary studies in perth.. my sister-in-law is however of Filipino descent and she looks (as she is) 100% filipino.. my brother and his wife lived in singapore for 3 years (they left about three years ago and moved to vancouver). they have a son the same age as my son.. we were visiting them during their last 6 months in singapore, so my nephew was about 6months old.. my wife and i were with her in takashimaya.. my son was with my in-laws in another shopping centre.. i was talking to my sister-in-law in front of a pharmacy (my wife was in the pharmacy) and my sis-in-law was holding onto the stroller with her son in it.. a singaporean lady (chinese singaporean) came along and started gawing over my nephew.. "oh he's so cute".. then it came..

"where's his mother?"

..she thought my sis-in-law was the nanny.. my sister-in-law immediately exclaimed, "i'm THE mother - do you think every filipino is a nanny??".. i then usered in and said, "yes, this is my sister-in-law and my nephew".. anyhow, the conversation quickly subsided, but my sister-in-law was quite offended..

it happens and it's unfortunate that stereotypes are still so strong - even after decades of cross border migration, people still think they can categorize a person from the colour of their skin..

ct

Tu and i have copped opinions left right and centre since the first day we got together..

In Kuta it was being called a Kuta Cowboy and a Holiday Hussy by the westerners ...

And in the village it comes in the form of black magic ...

In Australia Tu has been told to "go home spic" ....

And that's all without an age difference added in to the equation!

so we block our ears and get on with our lives ... :D