Valentines Poll: Expat Balinese Romances

[pooochie]

Dear All

As Valentines Day is nearly upon us and as any Lady and true Gentleman will always make the extra commitment to make this day special it has now become important to address whether there can really be true romance between an expat and their Balinese partner.

Obviously from past and recent comments, permit me to quote my learned English Gentleman:

beware the Bali romances. Dangerous game....dangerous subject.

I have the distinct impression that some people believe that romance cannot be found with a Balinese partner or that it is a road to problems. This is a short poll (31 days) so would you be so kind as to answer promptly and give any details/arguments on your point of view.

The poll is for expats and "would be expats" so please don’t vote if you are Balinese. Get your partner to vote and if not a member then get them to join and vote. The more the merrier. However Balinese please post your comments in this thread.

I feel the “blame game” is playing again and the Balinese are the people with the finger pointed at them when the relationships fail. Relationships are formed between two consenting adults, it is a two way commitment and both parties are responsible. My personal observations are that relationships fail everywhere and become very bitter, more so in the western world.

This Valentines my cupid has a software release date hence we cannot have a romantic night away (as we have every previous year) and of course it was a man :lol: that planned the release date and that guy is now on his second marriage, not surprising as most men always forget.

Life is not black and white so the answers I have given try to reflect this. Hopefully I did not miss any options out.

Many thanks and have a good Valentines

Ni Luh

P.S. Kadek you never know what you will get for Valentine through the post :wink: :wink: , Thorsten better hurry :oops:

:idea: Thorsten arrange a webcam date :shock: :) Oom Bert will be able to help on how to set this up and I am sure he will not broadcast it live to all of us :shock: :oops: :lol:

[jill]

Hi Pooochie

I had better be the first to answer here, seeing as my kekashi & I started this subject :lol:

I vote LOVE IS LOVE RELATIONSHIPS CAN COME FROM ANYWHERE

by the way he's not Balinese but no one has asked that

even my now ex hubby said he has seen the love i have for him in my eyes that sparkle again

[pooochie]

Dear Jill

Many thanks for your reply. Yes you did inspire this poll. Glad to hear you and your Kekasih are happy. Best of Luck.

I must apologise this poll should include all Indonesians :oops:

Jill please click your vote.

Many thanks
Ni Luh

[Tommy]

I chose the second option YES: love is love and relationships can form anywhere.

I considered the first one too.. YES: I prefer them to my own culture/country because they are beautiful .. but it lacks substance and contradicts the second option.

[pooochie]

YES: I prefer them to my own culture/country because they are beautiful[/i] .. but it lacks substance and contradicts the second option.

The reason there are both answers is because the answers are about attraction over your norm culture. In your case would you prefer to have a Balinese Angel or a Swedish Blonde :?: You already answered, so in essence your answer was the first :oops: Don't blame you as we Balinese Angels do look good :lol:

[JabberWokker]

Well all I can say is that yes “love is love everywhere”, but I prefer Balinese. I married one and am very happy, so I vote for the first option. I find Asian women are beautiful. I have to admit that my wife hates me because I think the most beautiful are the Japanese. She will kill me for this post, but we must be honest. Got to go…

[Roy]

I'm with you Jabber, 100%. Anyway, for Valentines Day, a re-print of an old post of mine. Sorry to those who have already read this:

WOMEN OF BALI

For me, the “femme de Bali” are among the most beautiful and unique women in the world. The women of Bali are strong, physically and emotionally. This great strength is balanced with a tenderness and grace I’ve not experienced anywhere else on earth. Their grace is evident to all who come to Bali and simply watch them as they conduct their daily activities. Their tenderness, however, can only be appreciated through intimate relationships.

In the early days of Bali’s rise in fame as a tourist destination, specifically the 1920’s and 30’s, it was the appeal of Balinese women that constituted the major draw. Expatriate artists, Willem Hofker for example, sought to ennoble these unique women on paper and canvas. Other artists of note and fame as Le Mayeur de Merpres, attempted the same. Indigenous Balinese art of that time, and unto today, presents the Balinese woman in the most admirable light, with complete respect, reverence and a deserved noble status.

Tourists are often appalled, as I was myself when first seeing trucks filled with large and heavy rocks being off loaded by Balinese women as the male driver sat in comfort smoking his cigarette. To this very day, the likelihood of a Balinese woman being married before she is pregnant by her suitor is slim. It would never occur, or be accepted by the Balinese male that he might be “shooting blanks.”

But, do not feel sorry for the Balinese women. Balinese society, albeit seemingly male dominated, is also very matriarchal. Young Balinese boys are taught from birth to respect and love their mothers, and in their upbringing within traditional Balinese compounds they also learn to love, respect, and admire their sisters, aunties, grandmothers, and virtually every female member of their Banjar.

In short, Balinese men are allowed and expected to be men by Balinese women, and women are allowed, and expected to be women by Balinese men, in spite of their biological and social disparity. It all seems to work here better than anywhere else in the world. There is no such thing as “women’s liberation” here in Bali, as the women of Bali are, in essence, already in control. The men just don’t realize or acknowledge it. In the published words of Victor Mason, “ they are most normal people alive.”

[ColinF]

Sure, relationships can form anywhere but, as with everywhere else, finding the right one can be a dangerous game. What one person finds beautiful another sees as a real turn-off - in my own case, the Sino/Japanese features(sorry Jabberwokker!). However, "The Right One" has very little to do with physical beauty apart from the initial attraction; how often have we been bowled over by a vision of perfect loveliness.....only to find after a couple of dates that she/he is incapable of an intelligent conversation whatever the language being used and has become boring in the extreme?
As with all magnetism, 'oposites attract'.....but in human magnetism the oposites are selective - not all qualify!
All I can add is I found mine here in Indonesia but, as with the majority of expat/Indo partnerships that I know, not on Bali. Does the cultural divide, even between Java/Sumatra etc and Bali, make a difference? For some, negatively yes, for others it is another attraction. We all have our own personalities which make us who we are and slightly different to all others, which gives us, I suppose, a worldwide 'pool' of possible soulmate matches of around 60 billion?! Choice, we are not short of!!
Colin.

[Jimbo]

I chose number 3 because it is hard, not to fall in love but to keep it going. I am so happy for the many in this forum who have found happiness with their partner myself included but in my opinion and based on my knowledge this is not the norm but more the exception that proves the rule.

As most know I have lived and worked in many counties and I have seen many expats fall in love (or lust) with girls and get married. Of those I have known the biggest majority of those marraiges fail. I have no exact figure but if the failure rate between same culture marraiges is 50% than with those different culture marraiges of my experience it is over 95% failure rate.

I am sure may will disagree but before you jump down my throat and tell me how wrong I am I want to share with you the reasons why I have this personal opinion:

Most men expatriate men meet girls through the medium of a bar. Not just in Indonesia but all over the world. This means that many fall in love and marry such bar girls. The girls themselves may also fall in love but for most it looks like a means of escaping the life that they lead.

The work then comes to an end and the process of taking the girl back to the country of the mans origin begins. Maybe they have had a holiday first and met the parents of the boy. Holidays in foreign lands are great like most holidays but they are short and do not show what a day to day existance is like.

So the happy couple get married and move to the mans home town. Well Newcastle in England or small town in Ohio is not quite the same environment as Bali, Bandung or Lagos, or Bangkok etc etc. Day to day existence with someone who appears rich in the foreign county but just ordinary in his home environment is not the same.

Language becomes a problem, the girl knows no one. Going to the shops or antwhere else she needs hubby, perhaps the girl has a poor education. She has no friends, no family (his are not the same culture) she begins to pine for her own friends, family and culture. He then gets another overseas job but this time she cannot come with him. She stays with his parents who though they are kind do not understand her needs and wants.

He is abroad and meets more girls and is unfaithful. She wants to go home and be with her family. He lets her go but then she decides to stay at home and not return to his etc etc etc.

I could go on and on and on because I have seen all of this and many variations on these theme. This does not go in to the problems he has with her family and the differences between cultures, runs foul of the brothers, family requires dowry, family rips him off etc etc etc.

Even marrying educated girls from good familys can still have many of the problems here. I know because I have seen many of my friends and aquaintancies go through this and many other problems.

I am not being pessimistic but the point is far more fail than succeed. Again in my opinion the best way for such relationships to succeed is for the man to follow the women and stay in her country or for the reverse for foreign men following women.

Having said all of this you can succeed but please be aware of all the pitfalls. Love is not enough. Culture can and does make a major difference but when it does succeed it is absolutely the best.Erg my reason for chooing number 3.

[ColinF]

Ah, Jimbo, you are SO right! As they say, "been there and done that"........a couple of times actually - before I finally got it right. :cry:
Colin