As men, why do you love living in Bali?

[lise]

As you know we're on our way...wrapping up loose ends etc. before the January departure date. My husband is not as anxious as I to make the move, and is wanting to delay our departure because he is feeling the pressure and stresses of leaving his business behind, has worry re: the bombing/safety (only because we're bringing our young child), and leaving all that is familiar behind (he has travelled very little). I keep telling him that the sooner he gets there the happier he'll be (!!!), but that's coming from his wife so...Since you're all so expressive, and already living in Asia, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sharing your thoughts on why you love living in Bali/Asia, (from a man's perspective) and what he has to look forward to...

[Py]

We are all besotted with the writings of W. Somerset Maugham. We fancy ourselves the cavalier and idle princelings of a still thriving Raj, the white duct and pith helmeted lords of our own tropical fiefdoms. We see unbridled social mobility far beyond the clutches of the suffocating class system that systematically sends its hungriest young men out to the boonies as lowly clerks. We see ourselves marrying into royal lineages that would be next to impossible back in 'the world'. We see our gene trove of healthy half castes multiply into the hundreds, each with its own generous attendant bequest that will insure that our own lowly DNA is bolstered righteously and in perpetuity. We see ourselves at the end of our long and illustrious lives, resplendant on our four posted death beds attended by fawning forest maidens, surrounded by three smiling generations of our own empassioned issue...

You want the 'for real' answer?

I don't believe it is gender specific.

Well got to jaunt off to the club for a rubber of bridge and the old G & T sundowner right now what, pip-pip, cheerio and all that, Py.

[Py]

Well it's not gender specific unless your thing is consorting with Rupiah rate slatterns or hanging out with yobbos and drinking copious amounts of that poisonous formaldehyde laced swill they call Bintang.

Oh, and Lise, don't worry about the bomb, they got the bad guys. (And 'ALL' involved appear to be positively effusive about the outcome)

[Bert Vierstra]

We see ourselves marrying into royal lineages that would be next to impossible back in 'the world'. We see our gene trove of healthy half castes multiply into the hundreds, each with its own generous attendant bequest that will insure that our own lowly DNA is bolstered righteously and in perpetuity. We see ourselves at the end of our long and illustrious lives, resplendant on our four posted death beds attended by fawning forest maidens, surrounded by three smiling generations of our own empassioned issue...

Yes me too. :P

[lise]

Come on guys, I could use your help.

I know most of it isn't gender-specific, but how men enjoy an environment can be different...women and men do often look for different things. I just thought a description of how you enjoy life in Bali would be nice for him to read...help remind him why we're doing this.

p.s. I'm not worried about the bomb. I never was. Bad shit happens everywhere...

[Lothar]

what makes you know that you know it's gender specific? Or maybe I read you wrong when I think that you want to imply that all males only look 'for one thing'? That would be wrong, because though males look for the 'thing', females do as well, and often more so than males :oops:

Bali is not a 'sex' destination at all, though you can find it of course if in need. But you will find it anywhere in this world.

Bali is essentially a beautiful place, and a 'rounded' one, as nature and people form a unity. Those tourists who only see Kuta and Nusa Dua have actually not been in Bali at all, I'd say.

No, the liking of Bali is not gender specific, on the very contrary. Even who made Bali famous to the western world was a woman. She built the first hotel on Kuta beach during Sukarno's time. That was Miss Manx, later known as K'tut Tantri.


Read a little, here: http://www.bali-plus.com/history.htm

:)

[lise]

Wow,

I was just asking, generally speaking, why do you enjoy living in Bali? Why is it better than living in your home country? What does Bali/Asia offer you in terms of quality of life? There are many things that come to mind for me just as a visitor to Asia. I enjoy the graciousness of social interaction...here at home, (literally) every time I walk out my front door I am assaulted by hostility and bitterness. People yell and scream at each other, flip each other off, try to run you off the road. It's ugly. When I'm in Asia I feel a greater sense of peace that begins with the experience of pleasant social exchanges and genuine smiles. That's one big thing. One thing I've heard from men that live in Asia is that they enjoy receiving smiles and pleasant responses from women in public instead of the ugly glares, nasty comments and eye rolls they get from U.S. women. It's the same for me when I'm out with my daughter. People treat children as a nuisance here... Taking my daughter out in Bali is a wholly different (and much more enjoyable!) experience because of how children are revered. Life is much more relaxing.. people aren't always in a hurry to get somewhere.
You get the idea. It wasn't relating to sex or gender issues. Like I said, I just thought he might enjoy hearing from others that live there already... :)

[Py]

Alright, alright Lise,

The 'for real for real' answer.

Every 'manly' exertion which holds my fancy here can be and 'is' equally enjoyed by women.

Personally I love the strange, the exotic and the bizarre. I love to look at the this titanic clash of civilizations through the eyes of a traditional anthropologist, the eyes of a contemporary sociologist or the eyes of the behavioral psychologist.

I love to immerse myself in the ebbs and flows of electric current, spiritual and biological, with the antennae of a poet. I delight in the arcane and labyrinthine politics of a wild west system on the edge.

I salivate for the culinary odyssey's that fill my mouth with fire and rapture.

I desire nothing more than packing up the car with my quiver of surfboards and supplies and heading off indefinitely into the mists of the mythical eastern islands and into the dream time. Mapless wondering through an island chain lost to two centuries of a world gone mad.

I love shopping; as in hunting and haggling with dusty Chinese and Bugis traders for rare cultural gems in the back alleys of far flung provincial towns.

Now I have heard from a woman friend that the scuba diving on certain outlying islands is positively world class.

I have also heard from another intrepid woman friend that the paragliding on the southern Bukit peninsular is special beyond measure.

Yet another female acquaintance has waxed effusive of her laborious but nevertheless extremely rewarding experiences of cold awakenings at 1:00am in order to arrive at the the summits of both Gunung Agung and Mount Rinjani on Lombok for the breaking dawn.

The reason I specifically mentioned the two pastimes in the post above, i.e. the chasing of trollops and the indulging in an inebriated society of 'mullet' and singlet wearing brutes that invariably haunt the Kuta sports bars, is that those were the only two activities besides terrorism that I could see as the exclusive province of the male animal.

Hope this is finally of 'some' help, Py.

[Py]

It is true that kids are adored here and it makes the raising of them a rare pleasure. In an American restaurant their childish enthusiam is greeted with stern looks of condemnation whilst in an Indonesian restaurant, even a table of staunch, hard edge Jakarta fashionistas will stop dead in converstion, their faces alight with beeming smiles to coo and call, "hellooo baybee, hellooo!"
Also while stuck in the inevitable Kuta traffic snarl I have observed that rolling of the eyes you so well described from white tourist women I would have no interest in interacting with other than the permanent idiotic grin that has been glued on my face for the last decade. Conversley three cars down I pass two tawny lovelies the flash me huge white smiles and break their necks looking back as I move on. Yeah, this makes you feel good!

Py.

[Roy]

complete agreement with Py. I hate to follow Py with a post, only because of my own inability to express in words the thoughts I share in the manner he is so darn good at. Any man who is so brilliantly skilled with both the brush and pen is, well, intimidating, and I don't like being intimidated. But that's my problem, and I will learn to get over it.

Back to the point, for me Bali is the PERFECT environment for raising kids. And yes, I can draw parallels with the West as I have three kids from a prior marriage that are US born and raised. I have two sons with my Balinese wife, and she is pregnant with our third. So, the parallels I can draw from are not just limited to the western/western, man/wife relationship, versus western/Asian, man/wife relationship, but also include these same parallels in child rearing.

Highly abridged, but to the point, in Asia generally, men are allowed to be men. Trite though it may seem, All In The Family, with Archie Bunker singing "when men were men" comes to mind. In Asia, married to an Asian, we are the "hunter/gatherers." We provide protection and a roof, and we are the point of stability and strength in our family. Let me tell you that there is nothing I love more about my wife than her acceptance of me being a man. YES, I am from Mars, and she knows that as well as any western woman. But she loves me because I AM from Mars, and what I bring to the table is exactly what she wants me to bring to the table.

My wife, and I expect most Asian wives of westerners do not spend their time trying to convince their man to "become more in touch with your feelings," spend more time with the kids, stay away from your old pre-nuptial friends, work harder, and make more money! Asian wives are guides, loving guides that we men will quickly respond to, respect, and maybe even change our directions based on their navigational skills.

I'm tempted to explore and share the sexuality of Asian woman here as well. But what a topic that would be all by itself. :D As to Balinese women, their sexuality is mysterious and deeply hidden. As magical as Bali is, as intoxicating its ceremonies can be, or as mystifyingly its essence will tempt you, there is nothing like the allure of a Balinese woman that holds you in her charms. Their powers are awesome. The myth that Balinese men chose their women to marry is just that....a total myth. In Bali, the women select their men, and I suspect this is based on some sort of maintenance of the equal balance of all forces in life that are essential to keep in equilibrium. Of course, Balinese men will deny this as after all, they are from Mars too.

The children born of such wedlocks are lucky, lucky little loved things. This is especially true in Bali where child raising is still regarded as a sort of village endeavor. I understand now that my two sons Bima, and Rama, are not mine. Yes, I am their father, but they belong to a much greater community and culture than I could ever provide them on my own. I have no fear for their safety, and my older son Bima can disappear from my house for hours without the slightest concern on my part. No, there are no white picket fences that I was used to growing up, nor is there the smell of the fresh cut Christmas tree dad just set up in the living room. Sadly, in the America I grew up in, there is precious little of any of that anymore. There is no more, "Leave it to Beaver" or "Father Knows Best."....as are all the cultural vestiges that allowed me to feel safe, free to explore, and just be myself.

So, you asked, "why do men like Bali?" I don't know, but I do.